Monday, August 17, 2015

Mommy Meltdowns + Lens Love

Just popping in today to say hey. Happy Monday. I hope your weekend was blissful. Ours was pretty great. We got some odds and ends around the house wrapped up. We took B to the Wilson County Fair and watched him ride kiddie rides until his little heart was content (memories that will forever be engraved in my mind). Snuggled on the couch after we rearranged some furniture. Played trains + cars. And ordered pizza and baked cookies. Summer is winding down, and we're soaking up every last minute.

With summer coming to a close, that can only mean one thing ... Fall is quickly approaching. While I usually am the first to be jumping for joy and cannot wait for my favorite season to arrive; this year I'm a bit more hesitant for it's arrival.  Now, don't get me wrong I'm super pumped about the cooler temps and the longingly anticipated arrival of cute boot season (although I'm not quite sure how that will mix with swollen preggo ankles).  But, I am also well aware that the onset of fall means my sweet baby Bennett is heading to school a couple of days a week and I won't be the one to kiss his boo-boos or wake him up from his nap on those days.  It also means we're that much closer to the arrival of his soon to be little brother or sister. And while all of that is very exciting, I'd be lying if I said I was anywhere near ready for it.

My heart aches at the thought of Bennett growing up. The idea that he won't be my little baby forever and the thought that I'll have to share my time between him and another tiny little one is too much for my mommy brain. At the same time, my heart also bursts with happiness at the idea of him becoming a big brother and having a sibling to share life with. And, I cannot wait to cherish the time I will have to snuggle my next little babe. But, it's all so overwhelming. And frankly, I'm just not ready. I'm not.

I was shooting a family session a week or so ago, and The Hubs and Bennett joined me to play while I was shooting cute little's.  While we were waiting for the family to arrive I was snapping random shots, playing with lighting, etc. with no real particular intent of any photo I was taking.  When I was sorting through the images yesterday and editing the session I came across this one.  It's not necessarily a great picture .. and it's kind of out of focus, it's much more about what I saw when I looked at it. And, it tugged at my heart strings way too hard.
I couldn't help but get all philosophical and see life in one snapshot. There he is. Our first born. Bennett Bernard, our BUB.  The apple of our eyes.  The tiny little person that cherishes his mommy and daddy. Our little mini-me that is soaking everything in. The boy we've taught to walk and to talk.  He's still super close and not at all far away, but yet starting to explore down the road of life.  As his momma, I want him to go. I want those little legs to take him as far as they can and touch, see, taste, experience the world. But, also as his momma, I know the further he gets down that road, the less of that exploring involves me. It's good. It's healthy. There is a great big world out there just waiting for him. Waiting for his bright smile and brilliant blue eyes. I also realize I've got a good 16 years before he's truly "out and in the world" but my golly if the next 16 are anything like these last two ya'll are gonna have some seriously big medical bills to pay for this crazy lady when he leaves.

That kid ya'll. That little one right there in the blue shirt. He's got his momma wrapped around his little fingers that are identical to his daddy's and I want him to stay two forever. There are no ifs ands or buts about it. His momma is being a big baby and I never want him to grow up. Never ever. Mix that with pregnancy hormones and we're having a full fledged mommy meltdown over here. I'm literally in search of Peter Pan and some of his never grow up magic every where I go. Where are you Peter Pan?!?!??!?!

But, like most things in life. My baby is getting older and my next baby is coming whether I am ready or not. So, the best thing I can do is make sure I'm prepared. I need to continue to capture and cherish every last moment we have as a family of three + make sure we are good and prepped for baby number two.  I see no better way to do that than through the eye of a new lens :) So, rather than continuing to sulk .. it's probably best to just switch off my mommy cap for a minute and turn back to my to photographer brain (or maybe it isn't because that's what brought on this whole mess in the first place).

But really, in addition to back-to-school + the birth of our new babe, the onset of fall brings more family photo + senior sessions as well. So, I'm setting my eye on this new beauty the Canon EF 85mm f/1.8 USM Medium Telephoto Lens. I've heard great things about it and think it will be a good addition to my little lens family.
Lens Love
Nothing like a little retail therapy to get me over my Monday Mommy Blues ... works every time. Now, I actually need to determine where the budget is coming from to afford the new lens. But for the mean time it's taking my mind off the mommy meltdown, so I'm just going to let myself have this moment.

I saw this quote the other day and loved it, so I'll leave it for you to start off your week. Have a good one loves!


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