Monday, September 8, 2014

The Last Time

Having a baby is no joke. Having a toddler is no joke. And I'm sure having a fully developed walking talking child/tween/teen/adult is no joke either. Lord help me when this toddler is a larger child. I imagine he'll be jumping off the tallest thing he can find, seeing as how he's already managed to teach himself to climb on the coffee table and living room furniture when I'm not looking.
This madness makes you laugh, sometimes it can make you cry and there are certainly days where I am at my wits end. Days where there is nothing to do but laugh and verbally say out loud "WHAT IS MY LIFE"?!  Days where I yearn to be that care-free college gal who wakes up at noon to roll out of bed in my sorority gear, head to lunch with all my gal pals and then take a nap at three, simply because all of that girly gossip at lunch made me tired. Nights when all I want to do is go to the movies, sit in a chair and eat overly buttered popcorn until my belly aches. Mornings when all I want to do is sit outside with a cup of warm coffee and enjoy the sound of silence. Hours where I want to jump in my car and stop at Kroger and Target, get everything I need without having to have a checklist because there are too many things on my mind, or a kiddo tossing out half the items before I can even get them IN! There are those days, those hours of course. They come, they go, sometimes they stay too long.

I'd been having a couple of those days back to back ... I think it had to do with hubs being out of town a little too often, toddler sleep regression which equals zero sleep for this lady, some personal anguish about some big girl decisions that I need to make, too many traumatic toddler tantrums of wanting to pull out every single ziploc bag and scatter Maggie's food all over the kitchen (the picture below was taken after I found the madness, cleaned it up and closed the pantry doors ... he wasn't happy I wouldn't allow him to keep doing it) and just general frustrations with work while wrangling a toddler at home. It all came to a head recently and I was nearly at my breaking point when I landed on a poem: The Last Time.
Do you ever have days or times where you feel like everything REALLY does happen for a reason?  Well, I do .. I'm a firm believer and call me a wacko - but this poem really hit home. Baby B isn't even close to some of these last times, and if we're blessed God-willing there will be at least one if not more Baby B's in the future. But for some reason this snapped me back. It took me away from my computer for a few days and really made me take a close look at my little human.

He's small. He needs me. He WANTS to be with me. And I am beyond privileged enough to be able to spend these days with him. So, I took a mental note to myself: breathe mama, breathe. These moments are fleeting. Let him be your baby and cherish it. There is time for work, there are things that need to be done, but let him be little and be with him. Be present. This is my job now, and when you're able: do it 100% - just the way you would anything you sign your name to. For now he is your greatest work, a work in progress. Make it count ... until The Last Time.

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